秒词邦

原文：

把孩子养废只需要五步，看看下面的你有没有中招：

1、孩子阅读，设置阅读时长；经常考核，看看孩子有没有看懂。阅读本身是个愉悦的事情，加上考核就不好玩了。

2、孩子想干事，图省事不让，比如孩子想自己穿衣服，家长嫌孩子慢或者穿的不好，直接帮孩子套上，孩子的能力得不到发展。

3、学习考试排名靠前，奖励礼物，出游，大餐，零花钱。这种动力10岁前比较有效，但是在10岁以后，外在动力的影响大幅度下降，就要少用了。

4、家长千万不要觉得孩子的学习方法不好，就必须要按我的意思来，或者和别人家的孩子比较。每个人是不一样的，孩子在不同阶段，会掌握不同的方法，家长应该共同商量。

5、想让孩子叛逆，你就多打骂，多吼他。等他长大后，认为自己有力量反抗了，自然会跟你对着干。

父母可以通过自己的行为和教养方式，积极塑造孩子的性格和行为习惯，从而帮助孩子成为他们想要的人。但是，要注意的是，父母不能过度控制孩子，而是应该给孩子足够的自由和空间，让他们能够自我发展和成长。

心理学上有个著名的有趣现象——学习力高原现象，即一个人要学有所成，都有个螺旋式上升的过程，其中必然会经历一个又一个瓶颈期或者高原期。就跟玩游戏一个道理，开始轻轻松松上手晋级，越往后越难往上升，一直卡在某个段位。

北大心理学博士震撼人心的一次演讲：一直在浅层次的技能上过瘾的孩子，长大都会废掉！

我们常发现孩子有这样的现象：老师教的课文，一遍就背过了；手机上的游戏，不用教就会玩；学游泳，一次就学会了。

有些高知的父母明白，这仅仅是人类普遍的浅层次认知能力，因此他们不会给孩子留下“你很聪明”的印象。然而，有些父母会忍不住用“机灵、聪明、反应快、记性好”等词汇来称赞孩子，从而让孩子建立起“我很聪明”“我学什么都快”的自信心。

这种自信心其实是有害的。

因为当孩子继续学习或尝试新事物时，他们终将遇到难度逐渐增加的瓶颈期，这时他们会感到极度的挫败感。因为他们发现，自己已经无法再像以前那样“一遍过”，这让他们觉得自己不再聪明。

孩子的技能发展并非始终呈直线上升，而是呈现螺旋式的上升趋势。在这个过程中，他们必然会经历各种瓶颈期、停滞期，甚至可能出现短暂的下降期。

换句话说，如果孩子在诸如英语、钢琴、滑雪或象棋等各种技能上始终保持快速线性进步，那就说明他们只是在这些技能的浅层次上停留，尚未触及更高级的瓶颈阶段。

在“快速进步阶段”：不要骄傲，你要做的就是快速进步，等待“高原”困难模式的到来！

在“瓶颈期的时候”：鼓励孩子千万不要直接逃避，或者干脆放弃这个技能：“我不玩了，没意思。”“这个不适合我。”以防止孩子以后一直在浅层次的技能上过瘾；失去跨越瓶颈期、掌握真正技能的可能性。

总而言之，我们家长一定要帮孩子建立“愿意重复、愿意失败”的习惯，给孩子一次次突破瓶颈的机会，找到从低谷中反弹上来的成就感。

这种重复力和不怕困难的能力，只要从简单的小事上一点点灌溉，就会有很快的积极扩散。比如：

1、鼓励孩子自己养一盆小花，每天坚持浇水；

2、当孩子偶然在喜欢的事上克服了一次困难，就不断表扬孩子面对困难的勇气；

3、在生活中给孩子做出努力跨越瓶颈的榜样。

......

在整个“防止孩子在低层次的技能上过瘾”的过程中，对家长来说，最重要也最难的就是“如何鼓励孩子，帮他直面和突破高原瓶颈期的困难模式”，从而获得更佳高级的技能！

相信道理家长们都懂，那么具体怎么鼓励呢？

其实很简单：鼓励和夸奖孩子也是有小套路的。

很多所谓“聪明”孩子，小时候因为父母错误的夸奖，错过了建立这种激励经验，突破瓶颈期的机会！长大想要建立，会越来越难。 所以我一向信奉2点。

1、用错误的方式夸孩子，不如闭嘴不夸；

2、精神奖励比物质奖励管用100倍！

我们夸孩子，得有技巧！父母可以尝试著名的“FFC模型”:

• F(fact事实)--“今天妈妈没有催促你，你就主动开始写作业”;

• F(feeling感觉)--“这让妈妈觉得很骄傲，看到我的宝贝终于养成了好习惯，真是令人感到欣慰”;

• C(compare比较)--“跟上学期相比，你的确进步了很多。

在这还给家长们强调一下夸奖的3个原则：

1、夸奖就是单纯的夸奖，不要有任何附带条件，今后你要怎么怎么样等等不要，那个应该是孩子接受了你的赞美之后，自己内心里的自我激励；

2、夸奖不要过分，你简直就是一个钢琴师，压力好大呀；

3、夸奖要适龄，十岁的孩子刷牙，就不要再夸他自理能力强了。

最后的王者级夸法来了，你们可以利用一下人的心！网上很火的万能彩虹屁，正确且正向积极的夸孩子，孩子越夸越起劲，自然做的更好了！

1、无敌彩虹屁：一到家就开始写作业，我都有点佩服你了。
2、强化逆行思维：妈妈已经看到了你的努力，下次一定能做得更好。
3、夸大自律：你是怎么做到的，明明不想写作业还完成了，教教妈妈呗!
4、敞开心扉：谢谢你的信任，把这么重要的事讲给我听，我会替你保守秘密的。
5、肯定行为：妈妈很喜欢你收拾玩具的样子，家里是越来越整洁了。

万能彩虹屁模版我已经整理成电子版，照着夸，孩子越夸越自律，越夸越自驱！文章中的这些我都已经打包在【浅层次陷阱】面了，你看到哪个想要的都在这里集齐了！自去，点一下，跳转到：https://j.uiuin.cn/cojDyk

另外，培养孩子的主动自觉的好习惯需要“威逼利诱”，但不要总是用物质去奖励孩子，时间一长会逐渐放大孩子的欲望，没有奖励就不进步了。“隐实力”靠物质奖励可不行，你试几次“你考100分我就奖励你50块。”一次两次还有效，十次八次之后，孩子就疲了。

好的奖励应该能提升孩子的内动力啊，相比物质奖励，精神奖励才是王道！

这份超火的加州大学精神积分奖励清单，搭配使用，轻松培养自驱娃，有积分表、特权卡、激励兑奖券等。

[写在结尾]

孩子需要一个温暖的怀抱，我们却丢给他一件铠甲。

甚至他受伤时，我们还责怪他没有将铠甲穿好。

做父母不是让孩子吃饱穿暖，让他长大就好了！

育儿是个复杂的过程，不是只是活着而已！

为人父母是需要终身学习的！

父母需要成长，孩子也会成长！

育儿先育己！

译文：

It only takes five steps to take care of your child and see if you have hit the trick below: 1. Set the reading time for your child to read; regularly assess to see if the child understands. Reading itself is a joyful thing, and with assessment, it's not fun anymore. 2. Children want to do things and try to save time. For example, if a child wants to dress themselves and parents find it slow or not good, they can directly help the child put it on, which hinders the development of their abilities. 3. Ranking high in academic exams, rewards for gifts, outings, meals, and pocket money. This type of motivation is more effective before the age of 10, but after the age of 10, the influence of external motivation decreases significantly, so it should be used less. 4. Parents should not think that their children's learning methods are not good, so they must follow my own ideas or compare them with other children. Everyone is different, and children will master different methods at different stages. Parents should discuss together. 5. If you want your child to rebel, you should beat and scold him more and shout at him more. When he grows up and thinks he has the strength to resist, he will naturally confront you. Parents can actively shape their children's personality and behavioral habits through their own behavior and parenting style, thereby helping their children become the people they want. However, it should be noted that parents should not excessively control their children, but should give them enough freedom and space to allow them to develop and grow on their own. There is a famous and interesting phenomenon in psychology - the learning plateau phenomenon, which means that in order for a person to achieve success, there is a spiral upward process, in which they will inevitably go through one bottleneck period or plateau period after another. Just like playing games, it's easy to get started and advance, but the further you go, the harder it becomes to climb up and stay stuck in a certain level. A shocking speech by a Ph.D. in psychology from Peking University: Children who have been addicted to shallow skills will eventually become useless as they grow up! We often find that children have such a phenomenon: the text taught by the teacher is memorized in one go; Games on mobile phones can be played without needing to be taught; Learn to swim, learn it in one go. Some knowledgeable parents understand that this is only a superficial cognitive ability commonly found in humans, so they will not leave their children with the impression that they are very smart. However, some parents cannot help but praise their children with words such as "clever, intelligent, quick to react, and good memory", which helps them establish confidence in "I am very smart" and "I learn everything quickly". This kind of self-confidence is actually harmful. Because when children continue to learn or try new things, they will eventually encounter a bottleneck period where the difficulty gradually increases, and they will feel extremely frustrated. Because they found that they could no longer "go through it again" like before, which made them feel that they were no longer smart. The development of children's skills is not always in a straight line, but shows a spiral upward trend. In this process, they will inevitably go through various bottleneck periods, stagnation periods, and may even experience brief decline periods. In other words, if a child consistently maintains rapid linear progress in various skills such as English, piano, skiing, or chess, it indicates that they are only staying at the shallow level of these skills and have not yet reached the higher-level bottleneck stage. In the "rapid progress stage": Don't be proud, what you need to do is to make rapid progress and wait for the arrival of the "plateau" difficult mode! In the "bottleneck period": Encourage children not to directly avoid or simply give up this skill: "I won't play anymore, it's boring." "This is not suitable for me." To prevent children from becoming addicted to shallow skills in the future; Lose the possibility of crossing the bottleneck period and mastering true skills. In summary, we parents must help our children establish the habit of being willing to repeat and willing to fail, giving them opportunities to break through bottlenecks time and time again, and finding a sense of achievement that rebounds from lows. This kind of repetition and the ability to not be afraid of difficulties, as long as they are irrigated from simple small things, will quickly spread positively. For example: 1. Encourage children to raise their own pots of small flowers and water them regularly every day; 2. When a child accidentally overcomes a difficulty in something they like, they constantly praise the child for their courage in facing difficulties; 3. Set an example in life for children to make efforts to overcome bottlenecks In the entire process of preventing children from becoming addicted to low-level skills, the most important and difficult thing for parents is "how to encourage their children, help them face and break through the difficult patterns of the plateau bottleneck period," and thus obtain better high-level skills! Believing that parents all understand the truth, how can we encourage them specifically? It's actually quite simple: there are tricks to encouraging and praising children. Many so-called "smart" children miss the opportunity to establish this motivational experience and break through the bottleneck period due to incorrect praise from their parents when they were young! It will become increasingly difficult to establish oneself as one grows up. So I have always believed in two points. 1. It's better to shut up and not praise children in the wrong way; 2. Spiritual rewards are 100 times more effective than material rewards! We need skills to praise children! Parents can try the famous "FFC model": F (fact) - "Today, Mom didn't urge you, so you took the initiative to start doing homework."; F (feeling) - "This makes my mother feel very proud. It's really comforting to see my baby finally develop good habits."; C (comparison) - "Compared to the semester, you have indeed made a lot of progress. Here, I would like to emphasize the three principles of praise to parents: 1. Praise is simply praise, without any attached conditions, what you will do in the future, and so on. That should be the child's self motivation after receiving your praise; 2. Praise should not be excessive, you are like a pianist, and the pressure is so high; 3. Praise should be of appropriate age. If a ten year old child brushes their teeth, do not praise them for their strong self-care ability. The final king level praise method is here, and you can use people's hearts! The internet is very popular, the universal rainbow fart!" 1. Praise your child correctly and positively. The more they praise, the more motivated they will be, and naturally they will do better! 1. Invincible Rainbow Fart: I start doing homework as soon as I get home, and I admire you a bit. 2. Strengthen retrograde thinking: Mom has seen your efforts and will definitely do better next time. 3. Exaggerate self-discipline: How did you do it? Even though you didn't want to do homework, you still finished it. Teach your mom! 4. Open up: Thank you for your trust. Tell me about such an important matter, and I will keep it a secret for you. 5. positive behavior: Mom really likes the way you tidy up your toys, and the house is getting neater and neater. I have compiled the universal rainbow fart template into an electronic version. according to the praise, the more children praise, the more self-discipline they become, and the more they praise, the more self motivated they become! I have already packaged all of these in the article on the "Shallow Trap" page, and you can see which one you want to gather here! Go ahead, click once, and jump to: https://j.uiuin.cn/cojDyk In addition, cultivating good habits of initiative and self-awareness in children requires "coercion and temptation", but do not always use material rewards to reward children. Over time, it will gradually amplify children's desires, and without rewards, there will be no progress. "Hidden strength" cannot rely on material rewards. Try it a few times. "If you score 100 points, I will reward you 50 yuan." One or two times is still effective. After ten or eight times, the child will become tired. Good rewards should enhance children's internal motivation. Compared to material rewards, spiritual rewards are the key! This super popular University of California spirit Points Reward List, when used in combination, easily cultivates self driven children, with points tables, privilege cards, incentive redemption vouchers, and more. The child needs a warm embrace, but we throw him a piece of armor. Even when he was injured, we blamed him for not putting on his armor properly. Being a parent is not about letting your child eat and dress warmly, just letting them grow up! Parenting is a complex process, not just about living! Being a parent requires lifelong learning! Parents need to grow, and children will also grow! Parenting starts with nurturing oneself!

句子分析1：

This type of motivation is more effective before the age of 10, but after the age of 10, the influence of external motivation decreases significantly, so it should be used less.

句子成分分析：

This type (of motivation) is more effective [before the age (of 10)], || but [after the age (of 10)], the influence (of external motivation) decreases [significantly], || so it should be used [less].

句子语法结构详解：

* is 为系动词作谓语，采用一般现在时。
* effective 为形容词作表语。
* but 为并列连词，连接并列句，表转折。
* decreases 为谓语，采用一般现在时。动词采用第三人称单数形式。
* so 为连词，引导状语从句。
* used 为谓语，采用被动语态。
* should 为情态动词。be 为助动词。the 为定冠词。

相关语法知识:
   系动词
   时态
   表语
   并列连词
   动词的第三人称单数形式
   状语从句
   被动语态
   情态动词 | 助动词

句子相关词汇解释：

Vocabulary:

句子语法错误检查：

(未发现错误)

句子相关学习点：

句子分析2：

There is a famous and interesting phenomenon in psychology - the learning plateau phenomenon, which means that in order for a person to achieve success

句子成分分析：

There is a famous and interesting phenomenon [in psychology] -- the learning plateau phenomenon, (which means that || in order for a person to achieve success)

句子语法结构详解：

* there 引导 there be ... 句型, 表示“有”的意思。
* is 为系动词作谓语，采用一般现在时。
* which 为关系代词，引导非限制性定语从句。
* means 为谓语，采用一般现在时。动词采用第三人称单数形式。
* in order 引导状语从句。
* for a person to achieve 为不定式。for a person 为不定式的逻辑主语。
* that 为指示代词。the 为定冠词。a 为不定冠词。

相关语法知识:
   there 引导的句子
   系动词
   时态
   并列连词
   非限制性定语从句
   动词的第三人称单数形式
   状语从句
   不定式
   指示代词

句子相关词汇解释：

Phrase:

Vocabulary:

句子语法错误检查：

(未发现错误)

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